I've always dreamed of becoming a mom. From a young age, I can remember playing with dolls, imagining what life would be like caring for a little one of my own. But this dream quickly faded as my struggle to conceive became a very real thing. My husband and I tried for 8 years. We went to all the specialists, undergoing endless tests, medications, procedures, and met with gut-wrenching pain and disappointment every time. The emotional toll was just too much. Every negative pregnancy test felt like a stab to the heart. And almost always, uncontrollable sobbing on the bathroom floor.
Eventually months turned into years, and I must admit, the depression and despair consumed me. I envied my friends celebrating baby showers and posting pictures of their growing bellies. It felt like an endless stream of rainbows and happiness that I couldn't be a part of. My relationships became strained, tarnished by my bitterness and sadness.
In the end, we decided to explore alternative options, and adoption found its way into our hearts. The process was long, filled with lots of paperwork, home visits, and waiting. The ups and downs were also a rollercoaster ride of emotions, but finally, we received the call - we'd been chosen by Ivy's birth mother.
There are no words to explain what it was like to hold her in my arms for the first time. There were tears of joy and relief. The years of heartache, replaced by an overwhelming sense of gratitude and love. My journey to motherhood took an unexpected turn, but it taught me to cherish every moment and the incredible strength of the human spirit.
I wish more women would speak up about their struggles. I feel as though all those years are so easily swept under the rug...And while I am so grateful to finally be a mom, I've survived a crazy amount of painful experiences that I've come to realise, was a big part of my life and has become a big part of who I am today.