Our 5-year infertility struggle

Watching my wife breakdown everyday, I'd say was the most difficult thing we've had to endure as a couple. When we first started "trying," and it didn't happen, it was really almost surreal. We'd spent half our life "protecting" ourselves from becoming parents too early, and now this. Like some kind of cruel joke.

That first year was rough. I think there's a lot going on. Realizing that something could be wrong. Realizing you may never be a parent. And then all of a sudden you're looking at the world through the hurt of it all. When friends had kids, 'they're rubbing it in my face," (not true but the feelings there). When you see a dad fighting with his kid to get in the car, you want to tell him to relax and let him know how lucky he actually is. It affects your whole outlook really. Months quickly turned into years, and really left us forever changed. 

When we did get medical help, I discovered I had low sperm count, that only a few of my swimmers wanted to swim :P At first, it shattered me. Obviously. My fault. I felt like I had let my wife down. Failing to provide the one thing she wanted most. But through it all, she was an unwavering pillar of support. Her resilience gave me the courage to face my own insecurities. Together, we've navigated the emotional (and financial) ups and downs. The lifestyle changes, and everything from the creams and pricks to the sending of good vibes into the ether....and then constant disappointments...took a toll on us mentally and physically. But we never gave up. Just kept going. I think probably because we never wanted to face that it could all be for nothing. But then finally, after 5 years, B conceived through IVF. The moment my daughter was placed in my arms, I knew the struggles and pain were absolutely worth it. But it has left a scar for sure. A time where there it really feels like there's little to no support. Where you only have each other to lean on. I guess we're stronger for it, and the lessons I would say are, be kind, thoughtful, you never know what the person next to you is going through #mensmentalawareness